Loving you, loving me

It is a strange feeling, overwhelming

Confusion, excitement, nervousness

Something new, but something familiar.

Something to have, but never hold.

Up, down, round and round,

Leaving me all wound up,

I want to let it go, run away,

Push it away, but I pull. I stay.

Happiness, intense, but fleeting.

Sadness, mild, forever there.

It's in your eyes, your quick smile

Your hunched back, your heavy steps.

The pressure of what is expected,

Of what you want, of what they want.

It leaves you breathless, gasping. Stop.

The want becomes a need. One second.

Uncertainty defines it, controls it.

Trust leaves me and comes back. Leaves again.

Can I trust Trust? Will it be there in the morning?

Will it all be over? Will I go back to feeling nothing?

Is it in my control? Do I want to go back?

Do I move forward, letting all that I've held go?

Will I have scars? Will I have the memories?

Will I have answers to all these questions?

Will I stop having questions if I'm in love?

Will it ever stop being magical? Will there be a rainbow?

If I love you, will it be forever? Promise me.

Will you give me a piece of you to carry and treasure?

Do two people become one?

Does the burden of love become lighter?

I accept the terms and conditions, I'll sign,

But.... Will you love me back?

I want.

I wanted that last bit of candy,
I wanted to climb trees and eat berries,
I wanted to play with cheetah cubs,
I wanted to run with an umbrella and fly.

As a child, I wanted simple things,
Things that were possible,
Things that were in my control.
I played with cheetahs, climbed trees and ate candy.
I even flew with a red umbrella.

As an adult, I cursed the lack of control.
I wanted Gypsy to not have cancer.
I wanted to not be ripped apart and broken,
Because all I could do was watch.
I wanted it to be me and not her.

After the worst thing that could ever happen is done,
I want the childlike things again.
I want to pass in Statistics.
I want a great job and a cool apartment.
I want to go out with friends and laugh.

I'm defined by my wants.
My wants become my gets and my haves.
They also unfortunately become my have nots.
I wonder if I can want people?
They are not objects or situations.

Right now, all I know is that, I just want.
Things, situations and yes, people.

Wish upon a shooting star, mail vans and 11:11.

Gimme permission!!!

The pressure is building,

I wiggle in my chair,

I look longingly at the door,

It’s about to burst!!!

I need to pee. Badly!

I need permission.

It rumbles and grumbles,

The noise reverberates,

I press my tummy, salivating.

I hope for it to shut up.

I’m very hungry, I need food.

I need permission.

I want some denim,

The feel of it on my skin!

I don’t want to care about wrinkles.

The feel of stiff cotton, grey and dull.

I want to be free,  not conforming.

I need permission.

How many things do I need to ask for?

Why is there SO much protocol?

Why can’t I pee when I want?

Why can’t I eat in class?

Why do I have to wear freaking formals?

I don’t want permission. 

Abhorrence

Feelings suppressed and wished away,
Air-tight boxes and dark corners,
Never seen and never to be heard.
All it took was one ugly touch.

It overflowed and consumed,
A dark wave of bitterness and dirtiness.
The shaking feeling of pure disgust
Crippling, maiming and hurting.

Tears that don't stop with the question.
Why? Why is man such an asshole?
So absolute in that adjective. Owning it.
Taking something that isn't his and never was.

Life is not some fucking game.
I have my life and you have yours.
Choice is a matter of fact, not privilege.
Why the hell do you think you can take it from me?

Curses aren't enough, violence gets me nowhere.
I will not stoop to your level. You're pathetic.
You're dirty to see, touch, smell or hear. To live.
You are vile, awful and everything wrong.

Hate is too mild a word to describe this. 

Mangosutra

This was a brand print for Slice :)

It was your smell that got me

That sweet, slightly tangy scent

It made my head sway, my lips curve

Then I saw you.

A burst of colour, you were.

Green, yellow and red, blended beautifully.

You made me reach out, fingers quivering.

Then, we touched.

Warm, smooth and sun-kissed,

You felt like perfection, welcoming.

The temptation to taste now irresistible,

Then, we kissed.

I closed my eyes, savoring you,

You’re everywhere and I’m addicted.

I slowly opened my eyes

There you were, Slice.

Patience

Waiting is hard.
That's the truth, the whole truth
And nothing but the truth.
We wait to grow that one inch,
We wait for the ice cream cart to go by.

On a hot summer's day, we wait foe ecstasy,
For that one drop of rain to fall on our skin.
We wait for lunch time when our bellies are empty
And we curse those who remind us of our stupidity.
We missed breakfast. We missed the Emperor.

When we don't want to wait,
We charge across oceans to get what we want.
We push and shove and jab at people to move up a queue.
Dastardly people stepped on my foot.
I want. I want. I want. NOW.

I waited fourteen years for a puppy.
I waited fifteen years for freedom.
I waited twenty-one years for adulthood.
I waited sixteen minutes for a table.
I don't wish to wait anymore.

Written at The Only Place, while waiting for a table, 4 years ago.

Yellow

Shiny yellow ball, with your smiley face
I throw you up into the sky,
Say hello to the birds and the butterflies,
But please warn the bees to stay away.

Run away from the little doggie,
He will only bite and slobber over you.
Hide where the kitty can't find you,
She will scratch you and grin. Cheshire.

Stay away from me when I'm stressed,
Business projects, drawing creatives.
I will destroy you, pull you apart.
Please sit on my desk and smile.