Sugar rush!

I bounce, dance and twirl,
Skip along the purple cement road,
Lost in every celestial swirl,
More of you I try to hoard.

Glinting joy, you crystalline being,
The taste of you is so sublime,
My addiction to you never leaving,
I wish that you could only be mine.

Shapes, sizes and in multi-colour,
You warp me up in heavenly bliss!
Smelling sweeter than any flower,
I'd run through fields for your sweet kiss.

My love, can you even understand
Your power, your saccharine strength?
With trembling fingers, I grasp your hand,
Fly me across this dimension's length!

Absorb me, make me one with you!
With the feel of you, I'm obsessed!
Everything I say is absolutely true,
I want you, nothing more, nothing less.

The person I used to know.

We can blame it on the distance,
We can say that we lost touch.
Life caught up with us, we're busy
Too busy to look each other up.

I wonder what you look like now,
If your voice is deeper, your smile bigger.
If you've grown taller, if you wear heels.
Do you still like the colour red?

Do you still love telling stories?
Have you painted anything new?
Do you still like Swat Kats?
Wasn't Razor your favourite?

Why don't we talk anymore?
You're my friend on Facebook,
But I haven't said anything.
Only wished you on your birthday.

Would you want to meet?
Do you know what's up with me?
Can we call ourselves friends now?
Or are you that person I used to know?

I want to find our friendship again,
See who you've become.
I wonder if you're in the same place,
If you still visit Lalbagh on weekends.

Maybe, one day I'll run into you.
We'll say hello and smile.
Will we recognise each other?
Will we wish for what was?

Love: Lost and Forever

You taught me what forever meant,
What soulmates were, what unconditional was,
You taught me to believe that I wasn't damaged,
Scarred, impure, unloveable. You loved.

You gave me so much more than you took,
I feel the weight of the imbalance.
Its hard to explain to people why I'm so lost,
They'd never understand the bond we had.

I read the teachings of Buddha, the practices of Wicca,
I see the circle, and take hope in that.
If we are soulmates and I am not done here,
I can only hope and say, neither are you.

I can't say goodbye, I see you in my dreams,
Smell you on my clothes. I refuse to wash them.
I have your pictures, the memories of you
Kicking my head off the pillow, growling at the intrusion.

I remember our walks, me talking, you walking,
I talked to you about love, life and laughter,
You saw my tears, felt my frustration, my need to be licked,
Or maybe you just liked the salty tears.

You are always around me, like a halo or a hug,
You never fail to make me smile, no matter how hard I cry,
I think of you when I eat dosas, the day you stole them off my plate,
I remember our matching sweatshirts and regret never taking a picture.

You taught me to sleep in, that walks were overrated,
To sit in a car with windows rolled down, head sticking out,
I remember to snuggle in a storm, windows shut, TV blaring,
I don't slam doors or shout at people because it upsets you.

I'm a better person Gypsy, but quite, quite lost.
I need you to show me a sign that you're around,
I want you back in your life, I'm not ready to let go.
I don't want to be on my own little one.

Be with me always. 

Nothing-ness

Shiny purple shoes glinting with sunlight,
You sit at your desk, expanse outside
Glass walls, enclosing, protecting,
You always want what you don't have.

Getting off my lazy behind and moving,
Looking around me at the noise, laughter,
The sound of typing on the keyboard,
The feel of the cool AC on my skin.

The feeling of being content is such a high,
The smile as a phone rings, as a computer dings,
Meetings, emails, sneaking biscuits at my desk,
Extended lunches, ID cards with access badges.

The highs of working, the long cab rides,
Kannada music booming in your ears,
Catching up with friends, after work drinks,
Celebrations, shopping, tattoos and rent.

Looking at a mail-van and wondering on wishes,
The only thing I can come up with is,
"Let me always be this happy and at peace"
Because I've walked a long way to get here!

Times a-changing

"In the time of ancient Gods, Warlords and Kings"
In the times of lucky necklaces and magic 8 balls
I wore some and shook the others, wishing and hoping,
Crossing fingers, and wanting to wave magic wands.

The hour glass is almost empty, my time's run up
Twenty-five years of innocence that I protected,
That I held close and refused to feel the world.
Now, I'm taken in the whirlwind that is called life.

Change, the dreaded, awful thing has occurred,
On grand scales, making me question everything I know.
I love again, when I didn't think I ever could or would,
I've let go of pain, hate and anger, and I didn't lose myself.

I no longer fear the unknown, I no longer want to know,
People mean more, mean different things, some never change.
Nothing will ever change the firsts or be as powerful as those,
But I find myself looking forward to the seconds and the thirds.

New phases in life, a new kind of independence,
Reliving the past has no more appeal, fresh starts,
Old and new loves, old and new tastes,
The comfort in the familiar and routine is slightly tainted.

The times a-changing and I'm running with it,
For once, there isn't a dam I'm trying to hold up,
There isn't a worry in the world to stop me.
I'm free falling and I can't wait to fly some more!

Poof!

You’re an apparition I can almost touch,

I see your eyes twinkling, lips smirking, nose twitching.

The feeling just rises until it fills me up, making me fly.

It’s frustrating that it’s not real, that it’s all make believe,

That when I put my hand out to feel you,

You go poof!

You’re in my head, dancing and laughing, all goofy.

You feel as real as the sun on my back,

You talk to me, telling me stories of where you are,

I try to listen, telling my self you’re not my imagination,

But when I try to talk back to you, that’s when

You go poof!

I see you around corners, in places I visit,

I’m so sure you hear the same breeze rustle the leaves.

When it rains, I think of what you would be doing,

What we would do if we were together.

But when I hold my hand out, waiting for you,

You go poof!

I can’t help but hope someday, we will be together.

Reality keeps telling me that it will never happen,

But if I don’t have hope, I have nothing left,

Nothing to hold on to, nothing to wish at 11:11.

I look at your pictures, I know you’re not around the corner.

You go poof!

Loving you, loving me

It is a strange feeling, overwhelming

Confusion, excitement, nervousness

Something new, but something familiar.

Something to have, but never hold.

Up, down, round and round,

Leaving me all wound up,

I want to let it go, run away,

Push it away, but I pull. I stay.

Happiness, intense, but fleeting.

Sadness, mild, forever there.

It's in your eyes, your quick smile

Your hunched back, your heavy steps.

The pressure of what is expected,

Of what you want, of what they want.

It leaves you breathless, gasping. Stop.

The want becomes a need. One second.

Uncertainty defines it, controls it.

Trust leaves me and comes back. Leaves again.

Can I trust Trust? Will it be there in the morning?

Will it all be over? Will I go back to feeling nothing?

Is it in my control? Do I want to go back?

Do I move forward, letting all that I've held go?

Will I have scars? Will I have the memories?

Will I have answers to all these questions?

Will I stop having questions if I'm in love?

Will it ever stop being magical? Will there be a rainbow?

If I love you, will it be forever? Promise me.

Will you give me a piece of you to carry and treasure?

Do two people become one?

Does the burden of love become lighter?

I accept the terms and conditions, I'll sign,

But.... Will you love me back?