Love: Lost and Forever

You taught me what forever meant,
What soulmates were, what unconditional was,
You taught me to believe that I wasn't damaged,
Scarred, impure, unloveable. You loved.

You gave me so much more than you took,
I feel the weight of the imbalance.
Its hard to explain to people why I'm so lost,
They'd never understand the bond we had.

I read the teachings of Buddha, the practices of Wicca,
I see the circle, and take hope in that.
If we are soulmates and I am not done here,
I can only hope and say, neither are you.

I can't say goodbye, I see you in my dreams,
Smell you on my clothes. I refuse to wash them.
I have your pictures, the memories of you
Kicking my head off the pillow, growling at the intrusion.

I remember our walks, me talking, you walking,
I talked to you about love, life and laughter,
You saw my tears, felt my frustration, my need to be licked,
Or maybe you just liked the salty tears.

You are always around me, like a halo or a hug,
You never fail to make me smile, no matter how hard I cry,
I think of you when I eat dosas, the day you stole them off my plate,
I remember our matching sweatshirts and regret never taking a picture.

You taught me to sleep in, that walks were overrated,
To sit in a car with windows rolled down, head sticking out,
I remember to snuggle in a storm, windows shut, TV blaring,
I don't slam doors or shout at people because it upsets you.

I'm a better person Gypsy, but quite, quite lost.
I need you to show me a sign that you're around,
I want you back in your life, I'm not ready to let go.
I don't want to be on my own little one.

Be with me always. 

Nothing-ness

Shiny purple shoes glinting with sunlight,
You sit at your desk, expanse outside
Glass walls, enclosing, protecting,
You always want what you don't have.

Getting off my lazy behind and moving,
Looking around me at the noise, laughter,
The sound of typing on the keyboard,
The feel of the cool AC on my skin.

The feeling of being content is such a high,
The smile as a phone rings, as a computer dings,
Meetings, emails, sneaking biscuits at my desk,
Extended lunches, ID cards with access badges.

The highs of working, the long cab rides,
Kannada music booming in your ears,
Catching up with friends, after work drinks,
Celebrations, shopping, tattoos and rent.

Looking at a mail-van and wondering on wishes,
The only thing I can come up with is,
"Let me always be this happy and at peace"
Because I've walked a long way to get here!