I want.

I wanted that last bit of candy,
I wanted to climb trees and eat berries,
I wanted to play with cheetah cubs,
I wanted to run with an umbrella and fly.

As a child, I wanted simple things,
Things that were possible,
Things that were in my control.
I played with cheetahs, climbed trees and ate candy.
I even flew with a red umbrella.

As an adult, I cursed the lack of control.
I wanted Gypsy to not have cancer.
I wanted to not be ripped apart and broken,
Because all I could do was watch.
I wanted it to be me and not her.

After the worst thing that could ever happen is done,
I want the childlike things again.
I want to pass in Statistics.
I want a great job and a cool apartment.
I want to go out with friends and laugh.

I'm defined by my wants.
My wants become my gets and my haves.
They also unfortunately become my have nots.
I wonder if I can want people?
They are not objects or situations.

Right now, all I know is that, I just want.
Things, situations and yes, people.

Wish upon a shooting star, mail vans and 11:11.

Gimme permission!!!

The pressure is building,

I wiggle in my chair,

I look longingly at the door,

It’s about to burst!!!

I need to pee. Badly!

I need permission.

It rumbles and grumbles,

The noise reverberates,

I press my tummy, salivating.

I hope for it to shut up.

I’m very hungry, I need food.

I need permission.

I want some denim,

The feel of it on my skin!

I don’t want to care about wrinkles.

The feel of stiff cotton, grey and dull.

I want to be free,  not conforming.

I need permission.

How many things do I need to ask for?

Why is there SO much protocol?

Why can’t I pee when I want?

Why can’t I eat in class?

Why do I have to wear freaking formals?

I don’t want permission.